In-Person Education

Caffyn-Jesse-Somatic-Sex-EducationWith somatic sex education, women who are shut down sexually come alive, and experience bliss. Couples reignite passion and overcome obstacles to erotic joy. Men who are dissatisfied with ordinary sex learn to master the extraordinary. People who have experienced sexual abuse find their wholeness as erotic beings. When sex is painful because of a physical condition, I can help.

My students say they are astonished at the pleasure they are capable of, and they are thrilled at how easy it becomes. I have seen marriages saved, orgasmic states savoured, shame released, and people opening to new dimensions of ecstatic experience, making sex profound and sacred.

Massage-picMany people feel wounded sexually – by trauma, heartbreak, unmet needs or unshared secrets. Something inside us yearns for healing and wholeness. There are many therapists and self-help strategies. But the problem is, sexual healing doesn’t come from the mind. Sexual healing happens in the body. Sexual healing comes from experiencing love and acceptance physically, viscerally, and with the heart.

As a somatic sex educator, I offer body-based learning, including coaching in breath, movement, body awareness, boundary-setting, communication, anatomy, sensate focus, massage, erotic trance and other body-based teaching about sex. Somatic sex education is designed to nurture, deepen or awaken the sensual self. I offer sensual and sexual bodywork sessions, in which my students can discover their capacity for joy at their own pace. As they open to their deepest pleasures, there is space to process shame, fear, and grief if it arises. Playful exercises empower choice and voice in erotic exchanges.

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Integrative Bodywork

I love to touch, and in my integrative bodywork practice I use touch for sexual education, healing, and erotic empowerment. This bodywork can foster the experience of erotic aliveness, with the joy that comes through acceptance of ourselves as embodied beings. It invites the integration of body and spirit, and the opening of an expanded consciousness. An integrative bodywork session can be simply and profoundly joyful. Experiencing the body’s capacity for bliss regularly and often is vital to one’s physical, emotional, mental and spiritual well-being. somati2

Through this work, you can experience new capacities for feeling and pleasure in your body, and learn to have more freedom, power and sweetness in your erotic life and relationships.

I am a Certified Sexological Bodyworker and follow the protocols for this profession. The session will combine massage and breathing techniques to allow you to get deeply in touch with yourself and your erotic energy.

“The practices lead people through a rich and multifaceted process of relaxation, developing presence within the body, opening interior awareness, reading the information the body gives forth, learning how to let the body come more and more to life, and finally surrendering to the body as the guide of one’s life.”
from Touching Enlightenment–Finding Realization in the Body by Reginald Ray, p. 62

Reasons to Come

People come to see me for many reasons. Some of them are:

  • Exploring who you are as an erotic being
  • Passionate Marriage, expanding possibilities for couples
  • Massage Lessons for Lovers, learning the arts of sacred touch
  • Learning the anatomy of arousal, becoming a better lover
  • Walking the path of sacred sexuality
  • Orgasmic birth coaching
  • Loss or lack of sexual desire – inside or outside of relationship
  • Healing female sexual dysfunction, erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, inhibited ejaculation
  • Reconnecting to sex after childbirth, menopause, or prostate surgery
  • Learning to experience and give a partner (man or woman) extended and multiple orgasms
  • Deciphering sexual identity
  • Chronic pelvic pain, vulvodynia, scar tissue remediation, addressing constrictions that inhibit sexual function
  • Being sexual with a disability, including spinal cord injury, paralysis, or brain injury
  • Unwanted or obsessive erotic attachment, jealousy, loneliness
  • Becoming orgasmic, or more orgasmic
  • Exploring female ejaculation
  • Changing habitual sexual roles or scripts
  • Healing sexual abuse or trauma
  • Exploring erotic possibilities as a transitioning or transgender person
  • Addressing troublesome turn-ons, including “pornography addiction,” “sex addiction,” unwanted fantasies
  • Learning how to be safely and fully sexual when HIV–positive or with another chronic STD
  • Exploring new ways of being sexual in a safe environment, including anal pleasure, power and surrender, bold sensation, and more
  • Scar tissue remediation – help for scars from abdominal or genital surgery or tissue damage from childbirth
  • Pleasure, a fun and safe erotic adventure

Learning Erotic Independence

I work with students to assist them in expanding their erotic feelings and capacities in ways that are independent of love and relationship. These practices invite a process of discerning one’s own resources, while exploring, recognizing and refining the self, and coming home to the body and its capacities. Instead of knocking hungrily on the door of relationship to fulfill our erotic needs, we can begin to embody erotic independence. Learning to contain sexual energy, expand it, and relax into it, we physically integrate an understanding that the true source of pleasure is not in a partner, but within ourselves.

Enhancing Relationships

Whether you come alone or with a partner, learning these practices will likely bring more joy to your intimate relationships. You will learn to receive and to give touch in new ways that are profoundly satisfying. You will explore diverse dimensions of touch and eroticism, while practicing communication skills that empower you to discern boundaries and ask for what you want. Couples learn to touch each other more skillfully, and without demands or urgencies. They learn how touch can open access to a universal loving energy that heals wounds and expands possibilities in relationships.

Addressing Trauma

As a wounded healer, I work with survivors of sexual trauma. Talk therapy is enormously helpful for trauma survivors, but it may always leave us short of full healing. Bessel van der Kolk writes:

Verbalizing, making meaning, and putting an event into context may provide a means of feeling understood., rejoining the human race, and gaining perspective on the experience, but it may do little to reorganize the person to feel safe and focused on fulfilling the demands of the present. Given the subcortical nature of trauma imprints, effective therapy needs to help survivors tolerate the sensory reminders of the trauma, and physically experience efficacy and purpose in response to stimuli that once triggered feelings of helplessness and dependence.[1]

Additional Information for Students

*I am an educator and not a therapist. Body-based erotic education should not be construed as a substitute for physical or psychological examination, diagnosis, or treatment. Clients should see a psychiatrist, psychotherapist, physician, chiropractor, registered massage therapist, registered clinical counselor, or other qualified medical specialist for mental or physical ailments they are or become aware of. I am happy to work with other specialized professionals as part of an integrated health care team.

I am usually not available for last-minute sessions. All sessions are pre-arranged by email or phone. Please call 250-537-1967250-537-1967 or email me with your questions and particular needs. New students fill out an intake form. Payment can be made in cash or by credit card.

Whatever your unique erotic identity, troublesome turn-ons, worries, wounds and joys, you will find in me a loving witness with compassionate positive regard. You need have no fear of being seen as all of who you are. Your every communication and interaction with me shall forever remain completely private.

I work with diverse people and support all forms and combinations of sexual expression and gender identity. My commitment since 1980 to queer communities, feminism, and exploring new paradigms of gender and relationship inform my practice.

I remain clothed during all sessions. I use my hands only to touch my clients. Experience the novelty of relaxing into a session that is only for you, with no agenda but your pleasure, healing and spiritual growth. Often people who initially hope for nudity and mutual touching find that keeping the focus on the experience of their own body allows them to access a profound new knowledge of their erotic capacities. Some have very powerful orgasms and a more full-bodied experience, while others learn amazing things about their sexuality or internal processes.

My practice is 100% safe. I wear gloves as appropriate to ensure there is no fluid exchange between us.

I know that when we touch someone, we touch their entire history, their deepest wounds, their secret identity, their healing powers, and their most profound capacities for joy. With each touch, I am mindful of this.

{1] Bessel van der Kolk(2002), “Posttraumatic therapy in the age of neuroscience.” Psychoanalytic Dialogues 12.3, p. S58.

Frequently Asked Questions

Do I have to get naked and get touched erotically?

No! Many students want to learn from other modes of somatic sex education and do not want to be touched erotically. Erotic touch is available only for those who request it.

Can I simply get naked and get touched erotically?

After the intake assessment process is complete, and provided there are no contraindications, we can move directly into breath coaching and then to sensual and erotic massage in your first session.

Can the touch be interactive? Will you get naked too?

No, I follow the Sexological Bodywork protocol and remain clothed during sessions. You have the opportunity to be in a place of receiving touch with no need to focus on a partner, or have any agenda other than your own learning – this relationship is what creates profound and transformative possibilities in our sessions. You will find yourself opening an inner awareness, so that your body can become more and more alive, at the pace that is right for you.

What if I change my mind in the middle of a session?

Any change of mind will always be welcomed and celebrated! You are always encouraged to feel what is right in your body as a moment-to-moment awareness.

Other Erotic Professionals

I love to assist people in accessing all the pleasure, healing and joy in their bodies. I provide links here to other erotic professionals in this area who may meet your needs more closely. Their websites are also valuable resources.

Aimee Heart

Ki Bournes

Elfi Shaw

Bloom Shakti

Sequoia Thom Lundy

Dr. Liam Snowdon

Tel Mia: Promoting Sex-Positive Culture

The Art of Loving

Libido Lounge

Lesley Stedmon RN BSN

Christine

Victoria

Lorna Gale